Your Dog

 

     There are many ways that people can love. One thing I have learned is that I need an equal partner. I do not want to be someone's pet. I don't want to obey someone, nor do I wish to dominate someone. I blame the trend in available "Daddys" on Fifty Shades of Grey. I cannot believe that a book where the romantic hero controls what she eats, how often she works out, where she goes, and what she can have in the bedroom was such a blockbuster. He also takes care of all her financial needs so that she doesn't have to worry about being autonomous. He does not ask her what she desires. I read the series and as I did there was this odd feeling in the pit of my stomach. Was it desire? Nope, it was revulsion. It's not the kink, but the mental control that disturbs me.

     I may be in the minority here. Several of my friends have told me on more than on occasion that I emasculated my ex. Do I have to give him everything that he wants so that he can feel like the "big man"? That is absolutely ridiculous to me. My theory is that a man with confidence can handle me just as I am. He won't allow himself to be emasculated. Sometimes he will win, and sometimes I will. I want to respect him for his strength and know that he is not intimidated by mine. I can tell you that this type of guy is not easy to find. I can also tell you that this is a non-negotiable for me and I would rather be alone than to be someone's "fucking dog".        

     She carefully applied her makeup. She had to be extra glamorous tonight. She squeezed into her body shaper and then into her equally tight red velvet dress. It was the perfect holiday dress. It enhanced her bust and her body looked great. He made her to go to the gym five days a week, so it really should look good. She looked as great as an actress. He would be really happy about that. He had to make a good impression at the party tonight in order to get the promotion. 

     She left the bedroom and went out into the living room. He was ready to go. He was really handsome in his suit. He looked her over and nodded appreciatively. She smiled when he gave her his look of approval. She had thought of going for a nice walk to the party since it was only a few blocks away, but when she asked him about it he told her that he had already called the Uber. "I don't want you to get messed up on the way over there," he said.

    They arrived at the party and she was by far the most beautiful woman there. His colleagues and their wives kept telling her how beautiful she looked. She tried to bring up the recent flooding that had devastated the nearby states. He came up behind her holding her tightly and whispered in her ear "Keep the conversation light, you'll get everyone depressed." She smiled and switched to a discussion about the latest episode of The Bachelor.

    She went into the kitchen and one of his colleagues was in there looking through the fridge. He had a lot to drink and he came up really close to her. He touched some hair that had gotten loose from her chignon. He smelled like stale beer. He ran his hand up her leg until he reached the top of her thigh. She tried to back away and he started laughing "Oh come on, don't be so uptight," he said. Thankfully her boyfriend came into the kitchen. He didn't even get upset. He just made a joke and grabbed her arm and took her out of there. "Hey, stop being so flirtatious with my coworkers, it makes you look bad and that makes me look bad," he said.

     They went home in another Uber. When they got upstairs he turned to her and starting kissing her but she wasn't feeling very romantic at the moment. It really didn't matter. If she said anything he would just argue with her. She let him tie her up like she always did. She stared at the ceiling tiles, wishing they were stars. He finally was ready to go to sleep. He untied her and drifted off. She went into the bathroom to clean up. She looked at her pale face in the mirror. Her makeup had smeared and her hair was tousled. The fire in her eyes was extinguished. 

     She went back into the bedroom and put her toothbrush, a brush, and a few tops into her purse that he had gotten for her. Really, everything that she had was from him. He was so successful that he didn't mind. It occurred to her that she should have minded. She looked at him snoring in the bed. He was handsome and everything most women would consider the perfect guy. The only problem is that he wanted her to be the perfect woman. Not by being herself, but by being a pet for him. He never really talked to her about anything meaningful and they never made decisions together. That was a shame because she was so much better than he could see. 

     She had tears in her eyes as she closed the front door behind her. She looked a little rough. She had no idea where she would live or what she would do now. The stars shone above her and a flicker of fire lit her eyes as she walked. It was time to be the wolf and not the dog.